Gloves et al

I recently read a couple sentences written by Heidegger that reminded me just what a douchebag Nietzsche is.  An argument with a modern philosopher who stopped by the hackerspace only served to compound my rage, which was primarily directed at the existence of a school of thought that takes tautologies as proof and accepts flowery verbiage and misleading clause structure in lieu of evidence.  And without the decency of using any math?


So, if those punks can make philosophy, then so can I, confound it!  As such I’m beginning to develop a Unified Theory of Personal Protective Equipment.  Repeated observation after repeated observation yields the same ineluctable result, which follows as the Law of Strange Equipment:

Those Makers not acquainted with a piece of gear upon a daily basis will be immediately and disproportionately fascinated by said gear upon their intermittent exposure to it.  Bystanders shall be [bem/conf]used.

I have seen both very intelligent people and incredibly inane people demonstrate this law, so I posit that we can safely agree that intelligence of the subject has been controlled for.  My personal observer’s bias, however, cannot be entirely ignored.

Anyway, from this, it stands to follow that the contrapositive corollary is evident as the Law of Familiar Equipment:

Those Makers daily exposed to gear shall become numb to its novelty and grate at its safety’s necessity.

Unfortunately, the Law of Familiar Equipment almost always leads to tragedy when it bumps up against the natural forces of Human Complacency and Divisive Probability.  That is, the less the Maker cares, the more likely it becomes with each improper use of said gear that that Maker will injure themselves or aforementioned bystanders.

Poor bystanders…

Anywho, for evidence, I direct you to the following images.


This is an excellent example of Pokey demonstrating the Law of Strange Equipment, and doing so in such a way that he has attained a local maxima of Creepiness and made me doubt whether or not I can ever again trust him with a scalpel.  This is an image upon which nightmares and horror movies are built, and it is exactly how I picture plastic surgeon conferences.  Knowing him, Pokey would probably be in one of their a cappella groups, which are among the most inexplicable forms of social torture* anyone ever chooses to subject themselves to.

Here I am aptly demonstrating the Law of Familiar Equipment.  It is difficult to see in this picture, but the gas mask is completely unsealed because I had not properly tightened or fastened the head straps.  Luckily, I wasn’t actually using it for anything at that moment beyond contemplating doing some stinky painting.

What can I say?  I’m obviously neither three nor a philosopher**.  I think, at the very least, even if my Laws of gear manage to hold up to scrutiny, that the latter claim is indisputable.  I didn’t even need math to prove it, eh?

*Among such luminous peers as Michael Bolton concerts, tanning booths, and televised golf.

**Or am I!?

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